* Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.
		-- Tallulah Bankhead

* A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
	But this output can be
	No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
		-- Gigo

* Conversation, n.:
	A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
	is called the listener.

* At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
		-- Marshall Lumsden

* Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.
		-- Jawaharlal Nehru

* Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche
-- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance,
my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off
the fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
undoubtedly true.
		-- Solomon Short

* Age, n.:
	That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
to commit.
		-- Ambrose Bierce

* A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.
		-- Prof. Steiner

* We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
theorem.
		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

* We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
socialism, because socialism is defunct.  It dies all by itself.  The
bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say
socialism?
		-- Fidel Castro

* Chism's Law of Completion:
	The amount of time required to complete a government project is
	precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.

* A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
		-- Herbert Prochnow

* I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
		-- Bill Hoest

* It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
lightly greased.
		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"

* Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

* I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
		-- Ogden Nash

* Pig, n.:
	An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race
	by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
	inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

* If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot
platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave
that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.
The world's as ugly as sin,
And almost as delightful.
		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
* Main's Law:
	For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

* Some primal termite knocked on wood.
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
-- Ogden Nash

* "The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood."
		-- Alexander Haig